trYna b hapPY

people see me as funny, humorous, sometime maybe ridiculous, cheerful an maybe more..
but, am i so?
i do what people want more than what i want actually.
i m willing to compromise, not to calculative,
not to selfish that much,
as every1 is sure selfish, only differ in the level of selfishness.
for friends, for someone deserve,
i m willing to hide mine, do what u want,
being thoughtful and so.
however, i get nothing other than disappointed, fed up, sadness at the end.
why someone so good in comment people, so good in thinking,
but never come to practice?
not necessary to make yourself such holy, such pride, such honour, such...
as, you are actually just hurting someone loves you, someone cares you,
u care nobody other than yourself.
u tend to build up your happy by suffering others..
u never never never realize how much of sadness u left to people around.
you live in your own world, you want everyone follow your rules.
you want other sacrifice for your,
keep burning themselves to bring u up.
just because of you, people around keep bleeding.
because i treat you as a good friend,
i compromise, i bear , i quiet, and finally u leave me speechless.
im just tryna b happy, i don't want to lose anyone..
im just tryna b happy, but can i?
or should i ask, can you?

communication

is it a scheme answer will be set off in advance before we ask some one a question?
if so, then why we question?
we have expected a model answer, how high is the probability for getting the same answer as we expected from the one we questioned?
assumption seem likely to be made, rather than communication.
if you don't open your mouth and tell people what is in your mind,
nobody knows for sure! nobody can read others' mind.
don't torture people around for keep guessing what u meant and so.
god gave us mouth and ability to talk, then we talk.
mostly problem can be solved through communication.
but, only wise conversation will do.
silliness will turn things down and screw up everything for sure.
fighting, yelling, complaining, anger and ..... aren't the right conversation to be.
under any of the mentioned circumstance, the situation will be guaranteed getting worse and worse.
please talk, please tell, please speak up.
don't ever expect there should be some one who must know you well.

changes

People and things change as time goes by.
Somethings you were into so much,
might become somethings that irritate you so much now.
the term 'promise' is pasT tense, whereas 'nonsense' has become the present tense.
what you have promised, what you had told, what you had said were sweet,
yet there will be a day turning them into the ugly truth.
you aren't dare to make promise as u afraid of u cant make it,
but before you make those promises, don't you know what is your ability?
don't you know where is your limitation?
don't you know whether what u said is something realistic?
isn't future is something u build up little by little from now on?
you are not confident, you are afraid of, but, who isn't the same?
nobody wants to be hurt, nobody wants to be disappointed, no one wants to cry like a child..
i always believe that things are two-ways, nothing can be if lacking of that synergistic partner(s).
before demanding or requesting, shouldn't we ask ourselves whether we deserve the right?
what will be if everyone wants people fit into themselves but never think of fit into others?
though u can change yourself, though he or she can change for you, but how long they last? there will b a day, they realize you aren't deserve for their change, as u never change, u r just looking for complimentary from others, but never you yourself.
how irony and ridiculous..
i wish there will be some one deserves for my change, and it's worth.
instead of counting how long we can be,
i rather counting on how happy n how enjoy we can be..
nothing lasts, but at least you seen, you experienced, and you tasted.

假装

有些时候，无论多挣扎，多么的不愿意，我们还是得假装自己。指鹿为马似乎避免不了。为的是顾存他人的感受和大局。无疑正直是美德，可是如果愚正直，就变得开倒车了。知道要假装不知道，这种滋味还真的不好受。很多人想要有预知能力，希望占尽先机。可是，事情真的是酱吗？如果被赋予预知能力，如果你预知自己的大限将近，那么剩下的日子，可想而知，只是慢慢地被害怕，恐惧吞噬。假如不知道，那么肯定在大限之前的日子都是安好的。知道有时候也是烦恼的来源，知道越多，负担越多。活在当下，才是必须的。不知道，可以心无挂碍，活得自在。可是，我还是选择知道，尤其是身边的人。我会很努力假装不知道，我会依你的方式来安抚你，因为只有感受到你的痛，我才能自然地知道怎样去平复你的伤痛。如果医生不知道病人的病，又怎样开药呢？我没有那种本事去医治心灵的伤痛，因为我们自己才是医治自己的苦口良药。我能做的也许是陪着你，一起熬过去，一起去寻找那个可以安抚自己的国度。我愿意分担你的，只要你也愿意。每当不开心时，想想自己有多幸福，有多少人连生存条件也没有，那么我们不会再有脸哭诉自己被抛弃了很苦，没有这个没有那个很可怜；想想自己四肢健全在抱怨，那些失去双手双脚的却感恩活下来，要自强不息，我们不会再有脸哭诉些什么。而是不断告诉自己我很幸福了。

幸せの意味

原来一个人的好与坏只是在乎于从什么观点来作判断。越来越搞不清楚到底什么是什么。有些时候，自己认为该作的，别人却认为我们过火了，太多事了，本着想帮人的心，结果，使得对方更烦燥，自己也无端端受了委屈。到底是谁的问题？我们都有自己的一把尺，去量度所谓的该不该，要不要，好不好等等的事。看到别人受伤了，自己想帮忙，却帮倒忙，原本的小伤在折腾后变得更严重。换来的不是感谢而是埋怨。到底为什么？我们总是从自己出发，而忽略了别人的感受与需求。我们常把别人当自己，假设如果自己遇上酱的事情，自己需要的是什么，然后根据那些‘需要’去‘助人’。其实，不是每个人都是一样的。也许什么也不做，就是帮忙了。不是每个人在低落时都需要别人，也许要的是安静的空间来冷静。我们又何必一直假好心在旁劝说这个那个的，只会让事情更糟。我懂了，除了‘一概论’，还`得要有‘个别论’。优点可以是缺点，就似乎对方要的是什么了。

新年

短短的十来天新年，却让我又更深入得了解和领悟一些事情。

以前会觉得所谓的团圆饭，团聚也不过是个仪式，应节的一部份。

可是原来真正的团圆还真不容易啊！

从前天天就想往外跑，呆在家就会浑身不对劲。

现在好啦，常年累月都得在外头，在家的时间少之又少。

没有一点喜悦，反而激起无数的思念。

人，总是在痛了后才会懂得一个道理。

能不能靠明白而懂得，而不需要跌地伤痕累累呢？

今年特别有意思。因为哥跟我说：“还好你今年有回来过年”

哥，爸和妈都同时病倒了。哥则在新年前逐渐康复。

妈妈和爸爸煮了年夜饭，接下来的就由我和姐包办了。看着妈妈一直吐，生病，心里很难过。看在心里，痛在心里。我什么也做不了。

年初一，陪着妈妈到诊所打点滴。早饭也来不及吃。留下姐姐继续厨房的事。还好妈妈精神多了，还能吃下东西，不再喝水也吐，不吃也吐。

年初二，爸爸也一块和妈妈去打点滴了。还好每一次的疗程后，双亲都逐渐好转。

年初三，陪着妈妈去做最后一次的疗程。感恩，因为一切都在控制中，妈妈也一天比一天好。

所以晚上也和朋友去吃粥火锅，认识一些不错的朋友。有kaki去clubbing了。哈哈

年初四，朋友来拜年。吃了晚餐，就兴致勃勃上了云顶，发新年财。结果叻，我是去贡献的。朋友最后都赢回本。回到家已是年初五早上八点了。第一次做赌鬼，却没有什么财气。

其余的时间都在家。难得回家，都不想去外逛了。

眨眼间，等下又得搭四点的机回去了。第一次很不愿收行李，妈妈姐姐三催四请下我才动手收拾。下次应该狠狠放假到元宵后才回去吧！哈哈

不懂何时开始，上香时，我都只会祈求平安健康罢了。我希望家人都健健康康，平平安安。那么在远方的我也少了一份牵挂。三个月后再见吧，我的家！

人生三十

在地狱审判大会上，犯人赵大，听见阎罗王惊堂一拍，喊道：“赵大，你在人间，为人正直，乐善好施，守道有德，信仰因果，让你到人间继续做人，寿命三十岁。”

阎罗王又惊堂一拍：“秦二听着，你在人间，自私愚昧，不明真理，邪见执着，懒惰怠慢，着你到人间做牛做马，给你三十年岁月。”秦二一听，大惊失色，对阎王说：“做牛做马，拉车耕犁，三十年太苦了，我只要十五年就好了。”阎罗王问道：“还有十五年应该怎样了？”赵大立刻跪下，对阎罗王说：“牛的十五年寿命给我吧！”阎罗王承认，所以人的寿命从三十岁增加到四十五岁。

阎罗王又再惊堂一拍：“孙三，你在世上欺善怕恶，不明因果，一世愚忠，着你到人间做狗，寿命三十岁。”做狗的孙三一听：“阎罗王，做狗只能吃剩饭剩菜，每日替人看守门户，还要被人吆喝棒打，太苦了，我只要十五年就够了！”赵大一跪，：“阎罗王，狗的十五年寿命也给我吧！”人，于是从四十五岁增加到六十岁了。

阎罗王又再惊堂一怕：“李四，你在世为人狡猾，不务正业，为非作歹，鱼肉乡民，着你到人间做猴子，寿命三十岁。”猴子李四大惊：“阎罗王，猴子住在山中，日晒风吹，饥寒交迫，每餐只以水作食，还要时时害怕猎人的弓箭，每日恐怖而生，我只要十五就够了。”赵大又说，：“阎罗王，猴子的十五年也给我吧！”所以，人可以活到七十五岁了。

这个故事中，属于人的寿命只有三十岁，所以人生的美好岁月，只有三十年；其他的则是为儿女做牛做马，为儿女吃剩饭剩菜，为儿女倚门望归，甚至为了苟且偷生，日日恐怖死亡。因为，三十岁以后的岁月，本是属于牛马，狗儿，猴子的生命啊！

在世间上，要活出真正的生命来；要有智慧，正直，善良，不能为非作歹，所谓‘人生三十岁’，是指一切都在因果之中。因缘而生，空无自性。命运是因缘生法，没有自行。坏的命运可以借着种植善因善缘而加以改变。

转载于《迷雾之间》星云大师著